


i only fall for you (when the rain falls for us)

by hongpikachu



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Howons, M/M, Non-Idol AU, Pining, Songfic, feelings all over the place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 02:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12098994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/hongpikachu
Summary: the rain isn't supposed to mean anything at all...





	i only fall for you (when the rain falls for us)

**Author's Note:**

> song: Heize - Rain, Clouds, You

_After a long time, today is the day_

_I finally think about you_

_I start searching our favorite song_

To say that the weather is bad would be an understatement. He can clearly see the dark clouds looming just near the buildings. If the sky wasn’t an entire optical illusion, the rooftops and buildings above fifteen stories would have been consumed in thunderstorms and a thick fog.

 

Sewoon weakly pushes his computer keyboard aside to take a glimpse outside the window. There weren’t really any thoughts that came to his mind that he was aware of, except probably a little amusement at how his officemates busied themselves taking pictures of the upcoming disaster. He, on the other hand, took his phone and looked through his playlist. Subconsciously, he picked out Skyfall by Adele (it was fit for the season, he tried to rationalize) and put it on repeat.

 

What he hears through his earphones isn’t a powerful female voice complete with perfect diction, but rather a familiar strong tenor whose pronunciation isn’t exactly the best. His lips purse as he hums softly to the tune, drowning out everything else but the gloom of the weather.

 

_Today I'm fine whether it’s sad or bad_

_Because tonight will pass by and have no meaning at all_

_And again I will live as if I forgot you_

_And you will live inside my heart_

The next time Sewoon takes a glance at the window, the illumination from the other buildings were more emphasized as the sky grows darker. The dark maroon clouds cover the stars and somehow his heart sinks at the sight. As much as he liked to enjoy rainy days, he was always calmed and eased by the sight of the distant scintillating balls of gas.

 

Time flew by and he finds himself walking along the streets, backpack resting heavy on his shoulders, hand gripped tightly on an umbrella over his head. Despite the weather, people are still seen to be roaming around and enjoying the restaurants nearby. He comes across about two or three couples and he subconsciously grips on the umbrella tighter, looking back at how he, too, used to share body heat with someone during a weather like this.

 

Once he reaches the bus stop, he takes out his cellphone from his pocket, smiling to himself as he notices the same track being played over and over again. Despite the smile, however, there was a pang in his heart that he couldn’t bring himself to ignore.  Tonight, he decides to forgive himself and stare a little longer at Jaehwan’s picture because he’s sure that tomorrow he wouldn’t remember of even committing this mistake.

 

_Because the rain falls_

_It reminds me of you_

_It reminds me of you just because_

_There's no meaning_

Jaehwan wasn’t exactly the calmest of people, so their circle of friends always found it a mystery how he managed to get to befriend the eye of the storm that is Jung Sewoon. Everyone eventually came to know how Jaehwan was persistent on meeting the junior who passionately sang his heart out despite the pouring rain and gloomy weather, his music _“turned the gloomiest of days into summer,”_ as Jaehwan worded it.

 

But none of them knew about how Sewoon saw Jaehwan practicing one evening outside of the campus dormitories, completely enthralled by how someone so boisterous can look so serene while singing a calming ballad. He stared long enough to be inspired, and maybe short enough to realize he has fallen as the older stared to collect his guitar and sheet music, keeping them safe from the unexpectedly falling raindrops.

 

The sight of the city lights is blurred by the fog forming on the glass. He traces the fogged window with his finger, creating small senseless patterns as his finger moves wherever it feels like. The spot where his finger grazes gives him a clear view of the drops collected on the glass window, and he gets reminded of the day he meets Jaehwan. Another pang, stronger than the previous one, is felt on his chest. He’d like to think that all this is because of the stress at work, so he closes his eyes to take his mind off of reality. Jaehwan is, after all, just another one of the people who came and went in his life.

_I hid behind my umbrella_

_And passed by your house_

_Because I want to feel_

_Our feelings that day again_

Small drops from the puddle gather on the tip of Sewoon’s shoes as he walks towards his house. The rain has eased down a little bit but the sky was still dark, so he still anticipates another round of rainfall once he gets home. His steps were as slow as the how the day dragged by and he couldn’t help but stare at the small house just across the city’s park. The gate was as dark of a red as he remembers it to be, though the area with chipped paint seems to grow larger. How he never really noticed when he passes by the same house every single day, he doesn’t know.

 

The lights were off except for an area of the second floor. His knuckles probably would have turned white at how hard he has been gripping on the umbrella the entire time because he now starts to wonder if Jaehwan is already sleeping well or has eaten dinner at this time of the night. These were the thoughts he never wanted to entertain, but maybe tonight he can forgive himself and let himself experience how things used to be in the past: how he loved and cared for the older, and how he believed (and felt) that he too was loved back.

 

Promising that tomorrow he would forget all of this, he stares a little while longer before turning back with a heavy heart.

 

_The rain drops and_

_The sound of the time ticking_

_Inside the room_

_I'm coming back to those memories_

Silence isn’t something that Jaehwan grew to be friends with. He was loud, talkative, noisy, and his life has always been filled with music ever since he was born. Today, however, he somehow caught a sore throat after a long while and had to call someone to be the vocalist of the night at the bar.

 

His room felt more spacious than before, or maybe it was the fact that he rarely had to stay for more than the hours he uses for sleeping. But he begins to notice the faint cracks on the wall, the hues of the ceiling and walls, the sound of the rain hitting against the roof. He was hyperaware but his body felt too weak to make noise or do anything about it. It would be a waste, though, to just mope with the free time given to him, so he decides to take a look outside.

 

Drops have collected on his window and started to slide down against the glass dramatically, and suddenly he feels like he’s in a music video. He was suddenly brought back to the time Sewoon came over to his place as they wrote songs, eat snacks, and share secrets till the wee hours of the night.

 

When everything was too quiet for him to handle, he gets up and grabs his guitar, squatting on the cold floor and strumming a few chords without a song in mind. And it was just like before, freely strumming on random notes while letting the day pass by. On this night, the weight of his fingers feel lighter as they go through the strings, strumming at a soft and mellow tune that matches the sound of droplets hitting the roof all the while the ticking of the clock serves as the faint metronome.

 

_I hope the rain will never stop_

_So that you can live inside my memories_

_Because I'm the man who made your heart ache_

_Because I have no right to hold you again_

Not once has it crossed Jaehwan’s mind that Sewoon would develop feelings for him. He always viewed the other as someone who never really thought much of infatuations and relationships, as someone whose dreams were always main priority. He remembers the night clearly, when Sewoon stood in front of him with a gaze so serious that it sent shivers down his spine.

 

The memory was as vivid as the way the stars looked in the sky. It was a party of some sorts, not of the rowdy kind, more of like a social get-together for the former and current members of the music club. It was a night filled with chatter and, of course, performances. The club’s current members have organized the event and it was a sight to see Sewoon so calm and collected in the middle of a busy sea of people.

 

When the night was about to end, Jaehwan was called to meet at the parking lot because the younger had something to say. When they were face to face with each other, the moon illuminated all the right places and somehow the effect made Sewoon more fragile than he already looks.

 

“I like you.”

 

Short and fleeting moments like this made Jaehwan realize how much of an impact direct statements have if it comes from someone who spoke in metaphors and similes. It felt like someone knocked the air off his lungs but before he could even utter a response, all he could see was a faint smile and the younger’s back getting smaller as he walks farther away.

 

Pathetic was an understatement if someone were to ask him how Jaehwan would describe himself. It was hours after Sewoon’s confession and he finds himself lying on his bed, composing a message of apology as to how he couldn’t reciprocate his feelings, as well as for an assurance that their friendship would never change. However, deep down inside him he knows he’s a master at bluffing, and he feels all sorts of guilt. Not once has he ever imagined that he would be able to hurt his best friend, and he would probably bear the guilt of it for the rest of his life.

 

As he expects, Sewoon did believe in the message he sent, for he still approached him with the same enthusiasm as if nothing happened. Jaehwan, on the other hand, didn’t know how to exactly be subtle or civil, so he avoids the gaze and interaction of it altogether, only to feel sorry about it afterwards.

 

The cycle continued on for weeks, and it hurt him to see the younger whose enthusiasm diminished after each encounter. But his avoidance has gotten too huge to be explained or fixed by mere apologies, so he does nothing but watch the solid friendship crumble into dust right before his very eyes.

_Our short happiness_

_Is written too fast_

_And that's the end_

_After this rain stop, in different place_

_We will start to live again_

The next time they see each other was inside a mall. More than a year has passed and Jaehwan was someone that Sewoon put past his memory as he focused more on his office job, training to becoming a chief executive officer in the future. He was never really prepared with how to react once he sees Jaehwan again, so he stares in the hopes that he’d be recognized.

 

He would be lying to himself if he says he couldn’t feel the blood flowing to his palms and soles, tingling sensation on his fingertips, and chest clenching in a familiar yet uncomfortable way. His breath stopped for a moment when their gazes met, and he feels like time really did freeze for them. The glint of recognition in Jaehwan’s eyes was present, but there was something about the older’s eyes that he couldn’t interpret.

 

No words were exchanged yet it felt as though their communication was loud and clear. One was hesitating, and the other clearly pushing away. The younger was brought back to reality when he feels a warm palm tapping on his shoulder, turning to see one of his colleagues urging him to the mini-arcade. Sewoon musters a smile and leaves as if nothing happened.

 

He doesn’t look back to catch another glimpse of Jaehwan, nor does he want to. That small moment between them made it loud and clear that from that moment onwards, they have somehow turned into strangers. Whether it was his fault for being straightforwardly vague, or the other for not living up to his promise, it didn’t matter anymore.

 

None of all this shouldn’t matter anymore.

 

Years ago, and even up until today, they have been living separate lives and tried to be happy without each other’s company. Sewoon let go of the bitterness in his heart, and though he wants to completely forget the feelings he had for Jaehwan, nobody could really forget a love experienced so purely. He’d allow himself to recall pieces of his feelings, but never will he allow himself to completely go back and try to mend a past in ruins.

 

After the rain ends, he would be happy. And he hopes Jaehwan would too.

_Because the rain falls_

_It reminds me of you_

_It reminds me of you just because_

_There's no meaning_

It was another day at work and Sewoon glances outside to see the sight of the next building being blurred due to the number of drops falling. He was alone in his office with no meetings for the hours before lunch break. Taking the chance of rare solitude, he takes his guitar and strums a few notes. It was a melody full of unsaid nostalgia, yet it calmed his heart.

 

He does remember Jaehwan again as he strums, but he doesn’t think about it too much.

_I hid behind my umbrella_

_And passed by your house_

_Because I want to feel_

_Our feelings that day again_

Traffic was heavier than usual during rainy days, so he wasn’t really surprised at how long he has been on the same spot, budging only after a few minute intervals. His journey on his way home was often filled with solitude as his feet trudges in puddles and concrete. Now he sits behind the steering wheel, catching a glimpse of the park and the house nearby.

All the lights were turned off and the grass on the front yard was noticeably taller and more unkempt than he last remembered. The curtains were gone from the windows and the inside was somehow bare. Sewoon manages to smile, yet somehow his eyesight became blurred.

He tells himself it’s because of the rain.

 

**Author's Note:**

> to everyone who made it until here, thank you so much! sorry if i haven't been posting much content because my board exams are coming up so i really have to prepare. i wrote this as a spur of the moment work and completed it within 7 hours or so in the office. please don't forget to leave comments and feedback ^^
> 
> also, if anyone wants to be friends with me, you're always free to hit me up on twitter, it's @jihwannaone ^^ i'm also open for prompts and other screaming session for howons!


End file.
